From the tittle you wouldn’t be able to guess who I’m. They gave me a crappy crappy stage name. I’ll tell it to you straight – Disney feed you a pack of lies. That wasn’t my story at all. You see I wasn’t the quite the good girl they made me out to be with the ‘Oh cleaning the house and tidying the beds.’ Yeah right!
Let’s get this out in the open right know. I’m quite the opposite and always have been, if you catch my flow. I might have snow skin and raven hair but I ain’t no fluffy frivolous princess. Why always the pretty pink frills and frocks? Ugh simply disturbing! I rather have tatters and hand-me-downs damn it!
Now I’ll begin to tell you my tale if you would call it that since it well it is my life really. Anyway moving on… The thing was that I wasn’t really daddy’s spoiled rotten girl because get this – I didn’t get along with my father. He has a very long list of flaws that I’m not going to list. Pointing being is that we really didn’t mix well – a bit like wax and water too be honest.
Dad was an architect, went to build the London Bridge. Everybody expected that to fall down, even had a lil’ song about it but it wasn’t eroded by all the tourists. Well then he got called to design the Olympic stadium that definitely didn’t turn out like London Bridge. You bet I saw laughing out loud when I found out.
It happened too quickly – there even no time to formulate a tune. Dam and it was gone. Outta sight.
I stole the torch and sold it on the eBay. Got quite a hefty sum. Brother swam part of the way home chasing the ducks and me I robe. We weaved ourselves some feather chains and celebrated with London Pride.
The topic of my stepma is controversial. A good woman she is don’t listen to the crap. Get this right – she is no evil temptress or a goldigger just a shred businesswoman to the core of her blue blood veins. You might think she is a lunny after well taking to a mirror all day. I can assure you that isn’t the case how otherwise would she a tycoon of a multinational business. The other thing is pretty darn obvious in the basic fact that mirrors are inanimate object so they can’t talk not really like open their mouth and ask back to you. I can and will confirm that she definitely wasn’t and isn’t a lunny. It’s just the usual type of thing; showing women too be mad and stupid. Nothing new there I guess! She isn’t a naïve woman I can tell you that. It is always business and work work work all day long – even throughout the night.
There is also a logical explanation for the hunts-man scenario; he was my uncle so I dough he would have de-hearted me. He was simply out to get some raw cash to avoid the taxman because in these times of austerity he has to make something to be able feed his screaming kiddies. Basically, he was hired by a guy who claimed to own the woodland, so my uncle hustled him big deal. I wasn’t ever the hunted and will never be soo.
In the movie they actually made my g-mum an old sinister woman how pathetic is that! She wasn’t a threat to nobody. There are so many things I could say about her – being real darn cool and funny too. Really love that woman. She gambles for fun you know. Soooo COOL! Begged us too go live with her she came to our den and off course we said no since the forest is our home. We watered her flowers while she was away on holiday. She was never sick, she is as fit a robin. Traveling A LOT she goes let me tell you, cruising all over the world on a ship, which thank God haven’t sunk.
In the meanwhile…
There was never a case of she went off to live with the dwarfs. With that being out of the way I can tell that I didn’t turn up to make their beds and do their launbery. No serious way! I had no interest whatsoever in doing any of that typa shit.
I was actually there to check out their stuff. My brother needed an iPhone or a walkie talkie at least. I was also sending them a message – they shouldn’t trespass into my territory. Although they are a group of man they can’t have my land so better stay well away. Turns out they were all investment bankers you see so I got a few shinnies and other stuff too.
They had all invested in my mothers tourist business you see, it seems she was attracting peeps from all over the world to come see her castle n’ her pasture land. I ain’t ever been interested in money or any of that stuff ever. If you haven’t yet realised that we are anarchists me and bro. We can trespass anywhere and everywhere we want.
We might sometimes reside in that crib of a castle estate like a princess and a prince but well honestly most of the time we just rough it up in the wild forest, crawling through the mud, getting branches and weeds on our clothes.
We make ourselves a den out of branches and sticks and eat boiled nettle over the open fire. I was always too radical, too out of place and well that’s why I had to get away with lil’ bro’. I might as well add that we are troopers we are. If you ask me I was the only sane one and bro’ too of course. He didn’t make it on screen – what insanity! He could practically be the hero as his life adventures are so miraculous.
Started to grow fruit and veg in the forest so we have stuff to nibble on. We have both turned veggies. I tore up my silk gowns to make sheets, a picnic blanket and a canopy for summer as well.
I got myself some new gear from the eBay – pretty damn good stuff!
Little sheepskin botties,jelly candy wellies,a silk scarf and a lil hoodie…
My g-mum in her free time made brother a knitted woolly jumper and he has an id chain too
One day this lost traveller shows up, we could see he wasn’t from the area with his dark onyx colour. He asked us if we could help and we laughed in unison.
‘We know these fields from back to front’
His bought one of those converted barn houses you see and while he was speaking, I was crunching on an apple a lil’ too fast – choked on it. That scarred him out of his mind! Brother said the traveller had a crush on me you see, what a thing, really made happy.
We were quite a team, brother and me so he took a liking to us straight away, inviting us to leave in that barn of a forest hut. Lil bro and me threw out his furniture – it was no good. We recycled it off course! He didn’t mind a bit – well if he did he definitely didn’t say it. Our new project was to make stuff out of little scraps of wood and fabric. Oh by the way the traveller’s name, his name is Rowan. Wanted to marry me, he did and all but I wouldn’t have that, if he loved me he could love me without the bling!
I started a herb garden and wrote poetry all day. He nursed the forest and local animals. While in the mean time bro’ was learning how to drive a yacht! Oh very happy we were!
Stepma was having a little trouble with her business as competition arose from the Uk. Of course the clever woman she was didn’t let anything in the way. A smart plan she had – never had a seen somebody scheme so well. On the way she sent the mushrooms and in a jiffy the balance was regained again.
Parallel to that…
Rowan and me adopted one of those starved kiddies from Africa – actually twins. My mother hired him to because of his charm to entertain the guests. While at home we garden together and water the plants, the old fashioned way with the sprinkling watering cans and then we seat on the garden swing we put up together. On his days off he joined me in the winter garden where I wrote poetry, so did he and then we shared our creations. Sometimes we just spend out whole days under the sun with a home made throw. In time we made an animal shelter for rabbits, horses, squirrels those sort of Godly creatures.
I’m still eating apples you might be surprised to hear.
Well my love bakes me the BEST carrot cake EVER! along with the perfection of the kissing, snuggling and love making too!
He isn’t a prince, a knight or a white loaf guy – just a lost traveller. Not one of those native normal people that’s so normal that they freak ya out if you get what I’m saying. I love that about him and always will.
That’s how my story went down.
Don’t believe anything else they say it’s all but fibs. No kidding.
I’m the heroine anyway so I would know right!
By Elena Kokonova
its a recent short story I wrote though i should share it with you. hope that you enjoy it. any feedback is welcome :) thanks